My Interview with the Jackson Citizen Patriot

I was interviewed for the story with the CitPat, but they only used a small portion of what I had to say in the second story. Here are the questions I was asked (in bold) by Steven Hepker, and the responses I gave. (The e-mail dates from 12 January 2007, but I'm glad that my Dad can still cheer for the Chicago Bears this week. Go Bears!)

How has the change impacted your relationship?
Overall, I'd say it has improved. There is certainly a trade-off. On the one hand, I felt a sense of loss of a connection I had with my father; I thought I understood him pretty well. Things changed when I learned of his condition, as I suddenly felt I didn't know him very well at all, as if I had grown up with a different person then the one sharing this news with me. The fears proved to be unfounded, as my dad still is pretty much the same person underneath. He still plays golf, enjoys playing games with his family, is still committed to his faith (in a renewed way, I think), and this coming Sunday after returning home from church, I suspect he may sit down in the living room to cheer on the Chicago Bears (or huff about Rex Grossman, depending how things go). Eventually, I had to come to accept the fact that this one area (transgenderedness) is something I won't ever really understand about my dad. The closest I can come, I think, is an analogy of the awkwardness of finding ones identity as an adolescent. I imagine the pressure only builds over time.

In some ways, I appreciate being able to know my dad in ways he never shared with me before. I admire the way my dad tried to model masculinity for the three of us (my two older brothers and me) as we grew up, but in trying to fulfill the stereotypical male role, he held back things about his identity (beyond his preference in clothing). Now my dad is more open about how he feels, to the extent that I sometimes don't know how to take it. Just this past Thanksgiving, we had a time of sharing as a family that went beyond what would have ever happened a few years ago. It is the getting to know my dad as he really is that makes it all worth it to me

Is it an overriding issue, or more in the background?
It is the "new thing" to talk about! I think our father/son relationship is still rooted as it has always been, in love. That's not to say that this new persona doesn't take some getting used to. Initially there was a lot of time spent on trying to "negotiate" our relationship - figure out "how does this change things?" There are still some things that will play out in time. Recently, things have focused more on progression of the EEO complaint, or the latest act of retailiation by the University (not as central things to our relationship, but it's what we talk about on the phone). Most of the time though, he's still just my dad.

Can you or do you tell friends your father is transgender?
I'll tell anyone who asks. Beyond that, I've told most of my friends with whom I'm in regular contact. Some good friends that I unfortunately don't get to see as frequently I have not told yet, out of the conflicting interests of wanting to share the news in person, but not wanting to sacrifice cherished quality time with people I only get a chance to see a few times a year.

What was your reaction to seeing your father as Julie?
I guess I'd say he could have done a lot worse dressed as a woman, and maybe I underestimated him a bit. Of course, I think my mom had given him quite a few tips by then. It wasn't as shocking as you might expect. When I look at her (I must admit, I'm still not used to that), I still see my dad.