I am DCNemesis' mom. I am the spouse of Julie for the last 34+years. I have been supportive of the transition and have had my own journey. I wrote the following essay to share some of my personal observations and thoughts about Julie's "Choice".
The Matter of Choice
There was a comment about choice in reference to being transgender. I have reflected about that over the last few days. Some thoughts came to me that helped me clarify how this might be seen as a choice to some.
Being transgender is not a choice. A growing body of evidence is showing that the condition is biological. A portion of the hypothalamus is sized differently in the transgender, matching their perceived gender. Brain wave studies show that the brain waves of the individual match their perceived gender.
I believe that most people have difficulty accepting the treatment. They see the individual making a choice to receive treatment. Yes, I would agree with that. Some individuals, who are transsexual, for a variety of reasons, decide not to pursue treatment. This comes at a tremendous cost emotionally and physically.
Let’s look at an example that is a choice but is much less emotionally charged. A person has pain, very bad pain, let’s say a headache. The pain can be dehabilitating causing an individual to lose work time and even at times go to bed. If available most people seek a remedy to get rid of the pain. They chose to take a pill to eradicate it. If the headaches are recurring often, they seek medical intervention. Some will go to great lengths to be pain free. I think we all can identify with the desire to subdue pain. But overall, there is a choice, try to live with the pain and possibly suffer some consequences or try to take something to get rid of the pain.
A transgender person lives with a different kind of pain. The pain comes from the disconnect between the body and mind. They are sending opposing messages. This causes stress. Sometimes the pain is so great that suicide seems the only way to come to a sense of peace (that is a horrible choice). Once a person discovers the reason for their feelings and hears there is something that can help them decrease the pain, they desire to follow that medical advice.
In the past, several methods were devised to try to correct the mind and make it conform to the body but they were unsuccessful and often harmful to the individual. The only method that has been show to help thus far is conforming the body to the mind.
How can we deny another person from seeking relief to their pain?
What are we feeling as individuals who interact with someone who is transgender? Are we uncomfortable because we can not put ourselves in their place? Do we misunderstand scripture and so impose our understanding upon the other person? Do we feel that is must be some kind of perversion? Are we embarrassed to be around them? Does their presentation in a gender conforming way cause us to realign our thinking about them?
I think that it is most important to delve deeply within ourselves and try to discover the reason for the objection. For myself, I had to realize that it was fear. I feared what other people would think. I feared rejection and loss of friends. I have, over time learned to face my fears and chose to love. The discomfort I felt was nothing in comparison to the deep, overwhelming pain of my spouse. I have come to realize that his “choice” to be Julie was necessary and life preserving.
Please consider how choice is an important part of life and necessary to preserve life and dignity.
22 comments:
This is a topic that really makes me livid with those who condemn the GLBT community. OK, for sake of argument, let's agree that TG's "choose" to live as their gender dictates. We'll also accept for the time being that they're breaking the Scriptural warnings about their chosen lifestyle.
Given the statictics which show those with this affliction are very likely to commit suicide if left untreated, I have to wonder which upsets God more. My money is on suicide.
Thanks so much for taking the time to write all this down!
I wonder how the growing body of research which supports Neuroplasticity will affect our thinking on trans-ness. (The basic idea is that the brain is not "hard-wired" with fixed and unchangable "circuits," but that its organization can change dramatically over time.)
It seems that your approach to the ethical value of seeking treatment for GID is that the condition is a pathology, and therefore (a) there is no moral culpability on the part of the person who has it and (b) not to provide treatment is ethically questionable at best. (If I've misinterpreted, please let me know!) A question: What would be the ethical value of a gender change in a person who did not suffer from GID?
(Disclaimer: My goal here is to understand some of the different ways Christian people understand and come to terms with trans-ness, so please don't feel as though I'm trying to start an argument! Many counselors, much wisdom and all that.)
Ally asked, "What would be the ethical value of a gender change in a person who did not suffer from GID?" Why would a person undergo a gender change if he didn't suffer from GID?
In response to Ally, Your question in reference to neuroplasticity, from what I have read, the portion of the hypothalamus that seems to be gender specific is formed before the child is born. I have read another suggestion that it may develop slightly after birth but is "hardwired" by the age of twelve months. I was not familiar with the concept of neuroplasticity, so I read the link. It seems to point to a sensory portion of the brain that is mutable. I am reporting what I have read, at this point, I am not a scholar on the subject.
The incidence of Gender Identity Disorder is high enough to put it in a category of variation of normal. Society's failure to recognize that gender is not binary has caused much of the stress and anxiety in an individual. To that extent, when the stress and anxiety are so high, I would say there is a pathology that needs to be treated.
I wonder how individuals would be if they were allowed to express themselves in whatever gender they identify in childhood, and that without negative pressures.
Ally, I need some clarification on your last question . . .the ethical value of gender change with someone not suffering from G.I.D.? I agree with Christy, who would want to go through it unless they were living in so much pain. Did you have something else in mind when you asked the question?
Thanks again for your thoughts! By the way, my wife and I were both blessed by the article about you in the Detroit paper. Thanks for being so public with your journey.
For the sake of argument I can imagine several reasons for undergoing GID-type treatment (for example, assuming the outward appearance and public identity of the gender opposite one's birth sex) without having a psychologically or biologically based GID. This month's Glamour has a story of a woman in Afghanistan who has assumed the identity of a man because all the men in her family were killed and a she needed a man's (higher paying) job to support her mother and sisters. One might also imagine a person who decides to cross-live for sexual reasons. Are such people on morally questionable ground because they violate gender norms without any pathological justification?
My concern is that an ethical justification for trans-ness or trans behavior based solely on pathology excludes people like these, whose choice is not based on alleviating physical or emotional suffering.
Good point Ally. That is why many of the city and state laws being written protect both gender identity and gender expression. Once we understand that gender is not binary in nature, this dual expression of legal protection makes perfect sense.
P.S. I was also very happy to see Joanne highlighted in the Detroit News story as well. I'm the president of her fan club for those that want to join! Having two make the journey together really helps.
Julie,
You've said, "Gender is not binary." What do you mean by that? And wouldn't it lead to a bit of social anarchy if everyone was allowed to dress/interact however he/she felt? Or is that what your would prefer? (Not the anarchy! The "no gender" idea.)
Christy
Gender is not binary. We all know of some women/girls who are "tomboys" and some guys who are "sissys". Gender (as opposed to sex which is more binary but also not entirely so i.e., intersexed people)is clearly along a continuum. Since this is so, gender expression should also be seen this way. As to people dressing however they feel, any college campus will show that this is already the case!
My last question was more along the lines of action as opposed to clothing. I was in college a long time ago and even then, you're right; there is no set pattern for a college person's dress!
How about the simple question of public restrooms? Do we need to expand the choices? Or do you think we'll get to the place, like on the Ally McBeal tv show, where bathrooms are omni-sex?
Please don't think I'm being fippant; I am really trying to get my head around the issues and their implications.
Most transgender people use the bathroom consistent with how they are presenting. Dear Abby and Ann Landers both have indicated that this is appropriate as have courts in a few states.
Do you see how this could present problems for some people? Call me crazy, but I don't want to share the bathroom with a man, no matter how he is dressed. And I certainly don't want to have my daughters share the bathroom with a man, even if he is in women's clothes.
I am not saying the transgendered are child molesters waiting in bathroom stalls. But bathrooms and dressing rooms are supposed to be single sex, not single gender, no?
Do you see the bigger problem of a woman using a men's room? Women's rooms almost always have private stalls, so I really don't see the problem.
Here's how one leading expert in this area frames the issue:
"Among individuals who are unfamiliar with transgender, a common concern relates to the use of public restrooms. The chances are good that anyone who is reading this letter has, perhaps without knowing it, used a public restroom at the same time as a transgendered person, whether male-to-female or female-to-male. Common sense dictates that the transgendered person use the restroom most in keeping with her presentation. To do otherwise would be potentially disruptive, and possibly even alarming to others or dangerous for the transgendered person. Laws governing the use of public restrooms are intended to protect the users from those who might have a voyeuristic interest or some other illegitimate intention. When someone like Julie uses a women's public restroom, it is not done for any such inappropriate reason, but for the same purpose as anyone else she might encounter there. Similarly, if Julie were appearing as John, in the male role, she would then use the men's restroom. Especially in women's public restrooms, provision is made for privacy and the preservation of modesty, so this should not be a problem."
Hi Julie,
Thanks for making yourself open to questions and discussion on this site. I appreciate it.
I posted these questions on an earlier entry but didn't get a reply -- it was further down the page. I'm reposting them here:
I've been researching GID since this story broke because I (like most, I imagine) was unfamiliar with the condition. I found this from the DSM:
"DSM-IV describes the criteria for gender identity disorder as an individual's strong and lasting cross-gender identification and their persistent discomfort with their biological gender role. This discomfort must cause a significant amount of distress or impairment in the functioning of the individual."
How is this diagnosed, other than evaluating one's feelings? I don't see any blood work or CAT scan revealing this disorder. All the person needs to do is identify with the other gender, right?
I understand some have said it could be due to a prenatal hormonal imbalance, but is there any way to scientifically judge that? Could this be a result of early sexual abuse? Or some family dysfunction?
And I'm wondering if Julie's wife could talk a bit about what she learned in her classes at SAU that could be relevant to the discussion.
Thanks!
Hi Christy- The diagnosis process is deliberately cautious. Through a series of meetings with a therapist the diagnosis is made. It is later confirmed by the way someone responds to hormone therapy and/or the real life experience. These are all steps in the protocol of care.
As to the nature/nuture question, science is leaning very heavily to the nature side of the argument. Here is one link to the results of a symposium of leading scholars in this field. Click where it says "click here" to see their report and references to the research. http://www.gires.org.uk/Web_Page_Assets/frontframeset.htm
Joanne can tell you more about what she learned in classes at SAU.
Hi Christy- The diagnosis process is deliberately cautious. Through a series of meetings with a therapist the diagnosis is made. It is later confirmed by the way someone responds to hormone therapy and/or the real life experience. These are all steps in the protocol of care.
As to the nature/nuture question, science is leaning very heavily to the nature side of the argument. Here is one link to the results of a symposium of leading scholars in this field. Click where it says "click here" to see their report and references to the research. http://www.gires.org.uk/Web_Page_Assets/frontframeset.htm
Joanne can tell you more about what she learned in classes at SAU.
Thanks, Julie. I look forward to reading the report.
Christy
Christy,
I am responding to your question about what I learned in SAU's class on Human Sexuality. We used the text, Understanding Human Sexuality by Hyde and DeLamater. In writing the text, they followed the DSM-IV designations. They separated the two parts of transgenderism into transvestites and those with Gender Identity Disorder. The text talked about the treatment for G.I.D. being one that allowed for the transition of an individual into the gender that they identified with. There was discussion within the class about the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care as the guidelines for care. The instructor also showed a movie that was originally shown on PBS showing the lifestyle of many who are transgender.
My research paper focused on the classification systems of the transgender and some of it's history. It was while doing research for this paper that I came across a study of brain waves comparing the transgender with those with no dysphoria. It was found that the brain wave pattern of a transgender person matched their perceived sex. This was one non-invasive test that shows there measurable differences in the transgender person.
Ally,
Thank you for clarifying your question. My original intent for writing the essay was because of the many who have expressed difficulty understanding the necessity of the treatment for a transexual.
Your comments have broadened my thinking. I do not intend to have what I have said to be narrowly prescriptive but rather hoping to touch some by making a comparison of treatment for pain that many can identify with.
I have read within the last week, that in the times of the young church, the Apostle Paul had women traveling with him that were dressed as men. They preached and baptized new believers. Who knows what their motivation was? It may be they were transgender or it may be that the culture of the time made it necessary for them to disguise their feminine selves.
Joanne, I would love it if you could remember the reference for that story of the women who traveled with Paul...it could be a tremendous help for me in my writing.
Thanks again for this conversation...it's helpful for me, too!
Joanne,
Thanks for your reply. In your classes, did the SAU profs treat GID as, for lack of a better word, "normal?" Did they talk about the spiritual nature of the diagnosis, or what a Christian's response to a GID-diagnosed person should be?
Thanks in advance!
Christy
Ally,
The reference is, "Evolution's Rainbow" by Joan Roughgarden, 2004, found on page 361. (University of California Press)
Christy,
I do not recall a spiritual application to the diagnosis. Because the text was based upon the DSM-IV, the diagnosis was treated as a pathology.
Because of my husband's position at the time of being assistant dean of adult studies, I was relatively quiet about my experiences. I would have loved to talk more freely about it but at the time, I felt that I could not.
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